dengue

Hello all! Okay, so I wrote this blog a week ago and planned on posting it last Monday but as some of you know, I just spent the past week in the hospital with Dengue fever. Don’t worry, I am better now and am back in Lamut resting and recovering. I had been sick for about a week – showing signs of just about every symptom possible – colds, aches, fever, pain behind my eyes, stomach problems, head ache, loss of appetite…..I thought it was the flu. My symptoms weren’t going away so last Monday I decided to go to the doctor and get my blood tested. My tests came back positive for Dengue and within an hour or so I was admitted into the hospital. I thought I would be going home that same day so I didn’t pack anything. Luckily I have a friend in that town, Sara, and she went back to her house and picked me up some pjs, a blanket, and even let me borrow her laptop and IPOD. When I got to the hospital, they put me on an IV for dehydration, and wheeled me down the hall in a wheelchair! I wish I had a camera with me – it was my first time admitted, first time with IV, and definitely first time in a wheelchair. It was pretty hilarious – I’m sure you can all imagine what a spectacle I was! All the private rooms were full so they put me in a room with a baby. That first night was a nightmare. Mama Z came to visit and slept over. She brought me clothes and food. However, the baby cried all night and the next day and they wouldn’t let us shut off the lights because they had to continually monitor the baby. I was so stressed – I was in the hospital trying to rest and getting less sleep than I do at home! By the end of the second day, and after a lot of persistence, they transferred me to a private room. It was a big improvement– cable tv, refrigerator, my own bathroom! The food was still terrible but I had plenty of visitors bringing me snacks and Sara who was at my beck and call all week. I sent her out for cereal, fruit, and occasional fast food. She also hung around during the days keeping me company and watching tv and movies with me. Mama Z came by, I had family visitors come, a parent from the school, Jill, and some other friends all stop by. Overall, it wasn’t all that bad. The facility itself wasn’t that great - far from any US standards – not very clean, incompetent staff, terrible food - they didn’t even have water for me to drink – and I was admitted in part for dehydration! Basically, they only have the basics there. If you need anything at all – blankets, towels, medicine, food, drinks, dishes, tissue, etc – you had better have someone with you who can go and get those things. They don’t offer any of them. By the end of the week I was extremely restless, bored, and anxious to get home. But, in a way it was good that I recovered in the hospital and not at home. I know that at home I’d be tempted to work and probably not rest as much as I should have. Now back in Lamut, it’s all I can do to keep from getting out my work. I don’t think I can stand to lie around doing nothing or watching another movie!
Now back to work on Monday. I only have a week until Christmas programs and everything starts….work is pretty much over until January but I am going to try and get a few things done…..



Here’s my old blog…enjoy!

December has started. I just realized that this morning and I actually became a little depressed. Maybe because December is the month of celebration, holiday, my birthday, and time spent with friends and family. I am missing yet again another holiday at home – Christmas Eve with Mom, Pete, Jorgen, and Aaron - in a house that won’t be there when I get back. I’ll miss our laid back Christmas mornings – waiting anxiously for everyone else to get up (even though I’m almost 25 I still get excited for Christmas mornings!), big breakfasts with Swedish tea ring…being late for Christmas dinner at Grandma’s house because the boys can’t seem to pull themselves away from their new toys or simply their guitars. The truth is, is that I will miss all of those things but I have accepted that it won’t really ever be like that again. I am okay with that and I look back fondly at all the holidays we had like that. I think it’s simply a matter of growing up and those will be my fond childhood memories of Christmas. Next year I’ll be in the US and I’ll have a completely different experience. I’ll be excited for it and just happy to be with my family again. But really, my sadness lately isn’t so much about missing my family at home (sorry everyone J ) It’s more because I know this will be my last Christmas here. I am going to be so busy this month that it’s going to rush by and soon it will be January. Once January comes I know that the last 5 months we’ll all be riding it through to the end. I’m sad that it’s all going to be over soon. I will miss my host family terribly but the hardest thing is going to be leaving all my peace corps friends. I know most of us will be in the US after this but our relationships will not be the same. We will be scattered all over the country and many of us will go back to our old lives, friends, and family. I value so much my relationships here. I love so many of the people I have met no matter how different they are. It is so hard to put into words the feelings I have. These people are my family. We are so different yet forever bonded by this crazy experience. They are the only ones that will ever come close to getting what my life is like here. We all have this shared understanding of each other and appreciation because we have more or less gone through a similar experience. I’m not entirely sure that the other volunteers feel as strongly as I do…..I’ve always been a bit sentimental. From the beginning I’ve always cherished all the times we spend together. Now the opportunities for us to be together are becoming fewer and fewer. It’s really sad. I feel a bit desperate to build up my friendships here. Seriously, I think if anyone randomly asked me to travel or hang out, I’d say yes without a second thought. I want to enjoy myself with the little time I have here. Why not? Who cares? I want to enjoy my time with other volunteers while I can and hopefully continue to build friendships that will last when we go back. I know that these friendships will be very comforting when I am home and trying to make sense of everything.
Thinking more about this sadness that has seemed to overcome me lately, I recognize that part of it comes from fear. I am afraid of my unknown future, what I will do with my life, who will I become, every last part of my future is up in the air – up to me to decide. I have lived here in the Philippines for nearly 2 years. I have known the same people, work, routine, Peace Corps network, and I really have established a life here. Granted, it is a life so extremely different than anything I have or would have experienced in the US. That is another reason for the bond we have – everyone here understands each others lives (to a point) and when I go home, no one is going to get it. It seems that when I go home and move on from all this, so much will be forgotten….it will become a far distant memory. It might even seem like a dream. My PC friends will help it remain real.
I am also scared that the end is approaching because I am afraid to go back to my old life, my old ways – I don’t want to turn back into the person I was before I left. I don’t want to live up to other people’s expectations of who they think I am. I did that long enough. I have changed immensely here. It wasn’t easy and I earned it! I don’t want all that hard work and pain to be for nothing.
I have a new plan…and I am sure it will change again….but I am now seriously considering traveling after this for awhile. I can’t imagine going back to the US so soon after I finish. I don’t know who I will travel with or where I will go but I think I need some transition time, even if it is only a month or two. I am in no rush to jump into work or planning my life. When I do make it back to the US, I will probably stay in Des Moines for a few months and hopefully move to Baltimore by Christmas. That way I can start pre-requisites for nursing school there (spring and summer courses) and be settled by fall so I can enroll in the Peace Corps Fellows program at Johns Hopkins. I can’t imagine staying in Des Moines much longer than that and I don’t want to move someplace else only to move again after a few months.
Anyways, that’s where I’m at right now. I don’t want to let go of all this. It’s been a tough journey but worth it all. And now that it’s coming to an end I want it to be longer! Actually what I want is a life of vacation, seminars, med check ups in manila with all my friends and a per diem! HA HA
I don’t want any of you to worry about me…really I am doing fine here. I think what started all this moping was a bad week after a nice holiday. Thanksgiving in Sagada was awesome! The company was wonderful and the food was amazing. We were all really relaxed and comfortable with each other…such a great time. Whenever we have short trips like that I always feel down the next week at site. If I am gone a long time, I look forward to seeing my house and host family – I miss them. But after a couple of days, I feel like it’s never enough. I hadn’t been sleeping well either – for some reason I keep having insomnia. So when I came back to Lamut I was exhausted and because I couldn’t sleep here either, I ended up getting really sick. I am still recovering. (Basically spent the last 4 days sleeping and watching movies) To make things worse, I found out that no one did what they promised at the school while I was gone so our project is set back again. On top of that, I think my MP3 player is busted. I think I might have to reformat it which means I will lose all of my songs. Wa Wa Wa right? Ha ha
Also, last week we received terrible news that our Barangay Kapitan in Saytan died suddenly from a stroke. So Tuesday pm Jill and I took a bus there for the wake and the burial. It was terribly sad. He suffered from a major car accident last November and was just starting to walk again. He was only 58 years old. I hope that our being their and expressing our appreciation for him and supporting his family helped ease their pain a bit. We have remained close with their family and still consider them our first home.
Okay, so this week I’m hoping to start on the right track. I am going to continue my read-a-louds with grades 4-6 and I’m hoping we will finish the painting on the library. Wednesday we are meeting with the US Ambassador in Banaue and then she is traveling with us to Jill and Dustin’s sites on Thursday for some cultural presentations and to see their work. I guess Lamut isn’t so appealing – they never asked to come see my site!
I hope you are all well. I miss you lots and love you more!